I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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