I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
