Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
