3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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