i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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