I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
