A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
