now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
