youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
