i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
