oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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