Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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