i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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