i just had sex bonerless
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
