he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
