I just saw a hot homeless man
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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