I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The Olympian is in my bed
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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