Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
