My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
