I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
