She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
