yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
the gays at disneyland are vicious
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
