you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
