Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
