wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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