My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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