Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
