fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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