I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
