I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
