Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
