Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
