a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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