ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
