There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it was like eating out sand paper
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
