I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
