I didn't shave. On purpose
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
