Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
worst night to have a conscience
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
