I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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