On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Someone shit on the floor
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
