you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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