No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
