Do you still have your period?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
