i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
