Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
