Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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