Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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