I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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