Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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