Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?

Fav 153 3834 1460
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(785): View more from Kansas

Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.

Fav 26 3957 986
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(250): View more from British Columbia

I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.

Fav 15 9915 1364
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(812): View more from Indiana

I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you

Fav 15 2205 945
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(352): View more from Florida

Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.

Fav 4 2130 791
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(816): View more from Missouri

Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs

Fav 1 518 909
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(519): View more from Ontario

He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good

Fav 3 1411 576
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(931): View more from Tennessee

I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.

Fav 0 617 397
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?

Fav 0 62 14
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